How important do you think time alone (me-time) is in a relationship?

I am 2 months into a break up. We have had no contact for 2 months, the longest we have went without connecting since 2018. It still hurts like hell. Its what I believe to have been a toxic relationship on both our parts. I broke things off at least 10 times since 2018 as she was verbally and emotionally abusive and would not commit to the relationship and was not emotionally available. I always felt like an option. Each time I was willing to work things out upon her request, it would get slightly better but she was still argumentative and combative. 2 months ago I finally had it when she sent me a text message pointing out my faults however would not accept ownership for her part and the relationship ended by me not responding back. I am not proud of this. At the same time I feel I was tired of the back and forth. I also did not trust her. I met her while she was still living with her ex and I knew I should have stayed away and I didn't. There is nothing I would not have done for her. I treated her with white glove, red carpet treatment, emotionally available for her, I celebrated her and constantly encouraged her. She knew this and I feel she took me for granted. I am constantly beating myself up over how things ended and What I could have done better. What do you suggest I do? I do parts work with an IFS Therapist and there is a part of me that is still hopeful however the majority of me feels NO WAY. It was too painful. What would you recommend about this me remaining hopeful? I find dating right now is impossible as I cant think clearly and prefer to heal as much as possible. How long do you think this can last before I maybe ready to consider dating?

Hi, I was with my ex for two years and she broke up with me and now after 3 months of no contact with my ex. She came by to grab some things from the house. We ended up sitting and talking and eventually talking about the downfalls of our relationship. How I hurt her and how she has hurt me and has made me feel like I never mattered and like I meant nothing. We ended up apologizing and explaining why some things happened and our thought process and etc. We eventually ended up talking about if we would ever consider getting back together. Her answer was, “ I don’t want to say yes and give you hope, but it’s not a no”. I told her, if she decided to want to try I would give her an opportunity to try and regain my trust, that leaving and walking out of my life the way she did and making me feel like I never mattered really hurt and it’s not something I can forget and that I will be nervous if I think things are good again, she is just going to leave but I’d give her a chance to at least try if that is what she decided. She said she does miss me but she has been happy just from the fact she has been spending a lot of time with family and friends but does think about us and almost called me a day ago but thinks she needs to keep growing on her own right now. I agreed because I am doing the same exact thing as her but I know in my heart I do miss her. I was close to proposing and I still see her in that way. We ended up hugging for about 10 minutes and just said this sucks. I’m not sure what to do from here… do I just keep doing what I’ve been doing for months and let her be the one to decide? I don’t really even know what to think about this encounter. I feel like the door isn’t closed but there isn’t hope either.

I have been through a breakup after 8 years of relationship. During these 8 years I felt always “not enough” until I have got to a point where I couldn’t take it anymore. We gave it a chance and went to a relationship therapist, and during the process I have decided to end the relationship, with the feeling of this came too little too late. 2 months I have met a wonderful girl, and 6 months later we are still together since we met. I didn’t have enough time to grief my last relationship and now feel like I am trying to heal, and taking every step in a super slow pace, while building my new relationship. On top of that I find it difficult to obligate and I wonder if that’s because I am still healing and in a trauma or it’s something in the relationship. I am not in the “hellYeah” zone since I am a bit down from time to time. My question is if I should give the relationship a chance, and it is natural to heal during a new relationship? Or should I get these signs as of “if it is not a ‘hellyeah’ , than it’s a ‘no’?

How important do you think time alone (me-time) is in a relationship?